A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you just the way you are.
Have you ever heard quotes like this one regarding friendship before, or like the country song "Find out who your friends are" by Tracy Lawrence? It's times like these that I feel like I begin to really understand what's being said behind he lyrics...
Have you ever had one of those days when your heart aches, for a million different little reasons along with some big ones and all you really want is for the people who know you best, who love you, to wrap you in a big ol' hug and ask you if everythings ok... Have you ever craved being able to answer that question honestly and say no, knowing that you had the time and the support with you to break down and begin to face it all one piece at a time with someone safe?
Oh, man I know that feeling these last couple weeks, sometimes there is nothing lonelier than being left alone in your own head...
So... though I never thought I would use this as a platform for which to let go of my thoughts, hurts, and angst, I am today... Cause I know that the ones that will even bother to look at this are people who love me and would be that bear hug if they could.
My grandma is sick, like really sick... She has been knocked down by surgeries and such before but this time it's different, there is a huge unknown that says this could end badly. I love my grandma, I have great memories of her. She has always been a huge part of my life, helped to raise me into who I am today. I remember going grocery shopping with her in her HUGE Chevy Malibu and singing "to market, to market to buy a fat pig, home again, home again jiggity jig" while we pulled back into the driveway, or that I used to love staying at her house so much I got in trouble and HAD to come home for at least one night during the week. She has always been a great Yahtzee competitor and truly a cheerleader of everything I have ever tried to do. So I am stuck with conflicting emotions over what is happening to her now. Ultimately it comes down to wanting whats best for her, and my need to admit that I have no clue what that might be, it truly is in the Lords hands.
That is the main part of the mountain I feel like I am climbing at the moment, there are other things strewn along the way in there that aren't helping matters but... but, what really? I don't know...
It's nights like tonight when I realized how lucky I am, how blessed my life is... Even in the midst of chaotic emotions for me I have some of the greatest friends and family.
Thank the Lord for my sister, I don't know what I would do without her, I tend to fall apart from time to time and without her I know I would be up a creek.
But tonight the Lord reminded me that I have some amazing friends in my life, people who read through my "I'm doin' ok's" and call me on my crap. I was faced tonight with my friend Mack reminding me that I always tell my girls "it's ok to not be ok" yet somehow I don't afford myself that luxury more often than not... Since when did I become a "do as I say not as I do kind of leader and friend? That's crap... Mack, if you ever even read this, thank you for coming over and listening to me process, I needed the company and I needed to talk more than I think I knew. Jamie, thank you for the note tonight, I needed that. Sarah, please come home!!! Thanks for the text friend and I'll be seeing you wednesday.
So, there it is I guess... I am admitting it... I am not ok... I know I will be, and I know I will shake this grey feeling, but thank you friends who are loving me through it while I sort through all this.
Have you ever heard quotes like this one regarding friendship before, or like the country song "Find out who your friends are" by Tracy Lawrence? It's times like these that I feel like I begin to really understand what's being said behind he lyrics...
Have you ever had one of those days when your heart aches, for a million different little reasons along with some big ones and all you really want is for the people who know you best, who love you, to wrap you in a big ol' hug and ask you if everythings ok... Have you ever craved being able to answer that question honestly and say no, knowing that you had the time and the support with you to break down and begin to face it all one piece at a time with someone safe?
Oh, man I know that feeling these last couple weeks, sometimes there is nothing lonelier than being left alone in your own head...
So... though I never thought I would use this as a platform for which to let go of my thoughts, hurts, and angst, I am today... Cause I know that the ones that will even bother to look at this are people who love me and would be that bear hug if they could.
My grandma is sick, like really sick... She has been knocked down by surgeries and such before but this time it's different, there is a huge unknown that says this could end badly. I love my grandma, I have great memories of her. She has always been a huge part of my life, helped to raise me into who I am today. I remember going grocery shopping with her in her HUGE Chevy Malibu and singing "to market, to market to buy a fat pig, home again, home again jiggity jig" while we pulled back into the driveway, or that I used to love staying at her house so much I got in trouble and HAD to come home for at least one night during the week. She has always been a great Yahtzee competitor and truly a cheerleader of everything I have ever tried to do. So I am stuck with conflicting emotions over what is happening to her now. Ultimately it comes down to wanting whats best for her, and my need to admit that I have no clue what that might be, it truly is in the Lords hands.
That is the main part of the mountain I feel like I am climbing at the moment, there are other things strewn along the way in there that aren't helping matters but... but, what really? I don't know...
It's nights like tonight when I realized how lucky I am, how blessed my life is... Even in the midst of chaotic emotions for me I have some of the greatest friends and family.
Thank the Lord for my sister, I don't know what I would do without her, I tend to fall apart from time to time and without her I know I would be up a creek.
But tonight the Lord reminded me that I have some amazing friends in my life, people who read through my "I'm doin' ok's" and call me on my crap. I was faced tonight with my friend Mack reminding me that I always tell my girls "it's ok to not be ok" yet somehow I don't afford myself that luxury more often than not... Since when did I become a "do as I say not as I do kind of leader and friend? That's crap... Mack, if you ever even read this, thank you for coming over and listening to me process, I needed the company and I needed to talk more than I think I knew. Jamie, thank you for the note tonight, I needed that. Sarah, please come home!!! Thanks for the text friend and I'll be seeing you wednesday.
So, there it is I guess... I am admitting it... I am not ok... I know I will be, and I know I will shake this grey feeling, but thank you friends who are loving me through it while I sort through all this.
1 comment:
oh friend..this made me cry!! I love you and I can't wait to see you Wednesday and give you a HUGE bear hug. I have a present for you!!! hahaha...good blog friend..thanks for sharing. You do have amazing friends around you..and that's what gets you through these times...cuz you will get through..the Lord is so good and gracious that way:)
Post a Comment